Thoughts, Observations, and Prayers of a Stranger in a Strange Land.


Musings

This is the page with my pre-blog powered Musings Site, enjoy...
-Bilvox


________________
(November drei, 2003)

I wish that everyday
I could see the world in which I live
with fresh eyes
with a wunderlust like a child
-so open and fresh
Inhaling and taking it all in so acceptingly


The light changes
moments pass
some moments last
some never stay
Light and colour
all fade to grey
and again night becomes day

Nothing precious-
nothing gold can stay


________________
(September 12, 2003)
Johnny Cash, the man, the legend, the ultimate rock star and a man who knew what life really was and was about, has gone away.
I want to post part of what he wrote in his liner notes from his last album...

"I am persuaded that nothing can seperate me from my love of my God, my wife, and my music. Life is rich when I can come home, after hours in the studio, feeling as frayed as a hundred G strings, and curl up to June Carter. She's a soft fluffy Mama Bear. That's when I give God a "Thanks a lot Chief." Sometimes in the morning I'll say "Good Morning" to the Awesome Presence, but sometimes I forget to."

Yeah that's the man... who has walked the line.
More importantly he walked the edge and has been kind enough to share what he sees over it with us.
Cheers to the man that was too Rock n Roll for Country and too Country for Rock n Roll, but a hero to all of us guitar playing songwriters.
to quote another hero of mine... "Elvis, would have been a sissy without Johnny Cash"
so would we all
-Bilvox

________________
(September 2, 2003)
Coming up on my 26th birthday (9-19-03)... and all the fun retro-spectating that comes with it.
You know,
the "where is my life going"
"am I doing what I want to be"
"am i who I want to be?"
garbage
at least I imagine I will be thinking all that over as it approached, kinda already has sneaked in. My manager asked if I am doing what I want etc.
I dont know
Im afraid Im reaching that point where horrible reality crushes dreams being drempt out loud, wakes you up in the night and reminds you of past due bills etc.
but, I dont know.
so... where is my life going?
forward... cause life is about motion, not just existing.
am i doing what I want?
I have a hot job, and I play in a band exploring my artistic need for expression and traveling alot.
so yeah kinda...
am I who I want to be?
is anyone? well Im me... who knows...
ahh screw this...
I love birthdays, personal new years as I see it...
I hope this year is better than the last, gonna try to stay away from too much heart break, too much drink, and people that will stand between me and my dreams.
I have come to the realization, no more will i let any single persons top me from realising my dreams...
thats all for now... more ramblings later, stay well go well.


________________
(September 1, 2003)
out of the mist
I expect you to arise
like a dream remembered
or a prayer longed for.

That time, that place,
romanticised a million times over
I could write a million
songs for you and not
even
fully tell of the pain in my heart
the tear on my tongue
of the joy in your laughter

so often I awake from moments
moments that are more special then I knew
and only later
only when it hangs on my heart
do i realise

and in all my searching
and in every last night
perhaps I will find me
beside you
once again.


________________
(August 25, 2003)
Been doing a lot of writing lately, music and lyrics.
Here is a new song:
I wrote this for someone I care about.
It is called "I Never Shined" (mp3)
I did a quick recording of it last night with a mic and a minidisc recorder.
Excuse the roughness of it, but its a nice tune I think...
I will get a chance to record a nicer version with my 8-track later.
enjoy :-)


________________
(July 29th, 2003)
So I just returned from a most amazing trip to The Netherlands and Germany. It was refreshing to be away from all that I left behind in my life here in the states, gain perspective, and truely enjoy myself.

I am now remembered of my love for europe, the life-style, perspective and culture. It truely is a thrilling place, I find so much comfort in being there. I lived in the South-East part of The Netherlands for four months once all the while traveling around all of Europe.

The people have a great sense of virtue, and community that is often forgotten in the fast-paced American 'culture.' Evenings out and about in the city having a drink or cappacino, enjoing the community and social graces of friends.
Its all very cool and comforting to be there.

The week and a half was so lovely and left me happy and refreshed. It also renewed my desire to move there and find a place to live and fit in.

I saw and experienced such things as the breath taking Van Gogh Museum, Beer Gardens, Carnivals, my cousin's Wedding, Dusseldorf, Munich, Amsterdam, passion, many museums of art, living history, laughter and tears of happiness, and an intense longing to stay.

Thus are vacations... for me this was a discovery of the world, family, culture, art... and myself.

I discovered I was emptied... and my heart was empty for so long now that I didnt notice... until someone found me, and filled my heart with song again. It feels good and its been so long since my heart was so full. Happiness and bittersweet emotions now stay with me... but hope and happiness prevail.

-----
a cooling breeze rolls over the canal
and brushes the warm amsterdam summer day out of memory
it finds me here
alone in a foreign land
but so content and happy.
-----
these infinitely parallel lines that take me so far away
they start with me here
and end
where you and I meet.

at the end of these lines
are where you will find me,
at the end of the world
is where I will be lost.
stealing from the theives,
stealing the stars from the night
so as to light your way
to me.
-----
below the carnival was alight,
like tiny fireworks they flashed
you touched my face
the city paused
the thousand points of light around you
lit you forever in my mind.
-----
Rain, Thunder and Lightning
are a play over us tonight in Munich
Techno beats and bass mix with
the waves of temprature change -
the breeze of the cooling summer night
as rain hits the open window pane
it splashes my hand
then the city sighs in relief.
-----
more later...
-bill



________________
(June 2nd, 2003)

some random quotes and thoughts running through my static filled head

fate - all it is and comes down to is the timing of life. and how the timing works out or falls out of sync so uncannily

dream in the world you live, and live in your dreams, for your dreams. Those that can't dream will walk though yours casually trying all teh while to wake you from your life.

-----
The end of history
the end of you and me

you grow your flowers in the shadows
your light, so dim

you whisper to me in a crowd
you're "alone when next to me"

we're stealing from the thieves
stealing the stars from the night, gonna use them to light my life, to make my own way.

________________
(May 28th, 2003)

You're a car crash,
an elegant mess

Some day you're going to have to live with the choices you made

you're going to be left with the ghosts of the lives that once surrounded you

and tumble as you stumble, over the ruins you let fall so carelessly around you.

Tossed aside like a child's spent toy, I lay unused, once loved, once caressed.

This misery you create, this wonton cruelty flailed about,

and I'm here living with the scars,
left to clean up after,
but im backing out, I got my own mess to live with, I got my own hands to wring. I got my own prayers I need answered.

I have my own dreams to follow.

you,
you made your bed, now go to sleep.


________________
(april 3rd, 2003)
disillution
lost sight on the gold
all is left is coal

confusion
had the kingdom
saw the goal
made to sneak out the back door

wash across the canvas
i'll paint for you
i'll expend my colours for you

I run... run grey

let the poison out, let it run
i'll take it for you.

run, run through this world
escape the past

you're every hue
you're every colour
you're the night on fire

and I,
I run
I run grey.

________________
(March 19th, 2003)

I woke up to war
what can I say?
This isn't what I asked for
This isn't for what I hoped

Did diplomacy fail?
Or did it never exhist?

I stepped out of my door to a whole different world

someone mistook this world for black and white...

for right and wrong

Now the sky we live under is Red

and
the hands
we use to heal
are stained with blood.



________________
(February 21st, 2003)
"As a rock star, I have two instincts, I want to have fun, and I want to change the world. I have a chance to do both." -Bono

When Looking for quotes for my main page I found a bunch from folks from William Gibson to William Blake. I found this one by Bono to be very cool.

I think when you have your drive and your goals, you have reasons for why you follow a certain path, or why you end up doing something.

People who become doctors may be driven so they might save lives, find cures to deseases that have ravaged someone close to them, etc. Artists want to create leave an impression on the world, add something.

This is sort of something I touch on a lot with my band, and we discuss.

Why do I write songs, poetry, music? Why must I?

Well I guess I write songs, lyrics, because.. well... I have to, it's how I emote and deal with alot of things in my life. I need to create, to be creative to have that process is one of the most gratifying and peasurable things to me. Its tapping into my soul, and everything thats making it overflow and putting it into song, into words.

One of the most beautiful things about.. The Spark, (the band I am a member of) is out of no where comes this music... and its this synegetic experience that seems comes from no where... or somewhere beautiful and its this most amaizing thing thats greater than any part of the band... I don't know how or why, but it is beautiful, special, and wonderful. I definately never want it to stop, but for it to keep on growing and I never want to know where it does come from, I never want the mystery ruined.

Often when one of those "moments" happen, I say and it feels as if angels walked into the room.

From this also comes the desire to touch the world, to leave a mark. You know, to write your name on the world, to leave your mark. I feel with the band is my chance to write my name on the hearts of many. Not in stone... stone is for the dead, for tombstones, hearts are forever.

That is why there is 'The Spark' and that is why we do what we do. We have fun, and want to touch the world, to write our names on all of your hearts.

... and hey if I can have fun( definately doing that) and change the world along the way... thats even better... even if its just the world in me.

cheers. -bv

________________
(January 8th, 2003)
My 5 Favorite Albums
as of now... this will change in time... most possibly, but as I right this, and how I currently feel, this is it.

Five
Coldplay - Parachutes
With such songs as "Yellow" and "Trouble" Coldplay hooked you into their world of subtle textures and minimalistic and lovely music scapes.

The emotional tone on this is album is just awesome, and really stands up as a complete solid album. This is one I prefer to listen to straight through. Their follow up effort is wonderful, and has much more musical confidence and growth, but this one in its tone, rawness and layers hits right to me.


Four
David Gray - White Ladder
The singer/songwriter for a new generation, adds "hips" to folk and results in an emotionally raw and moving album full of folk songs arranged and spiced-up with drum machines and a dance beat.

I really feel he is this sort of a voice of the heart for our generation, speaks so well to so many about matters of the heart and life. This album has teh similar characteristics of Parachutes I like so much. This album is honest, raw and heart-felt. And c'mon he covers SoftCell(of "tainted love" fame) and really does it some justice.


Three
Travis - The Man Who
This album I discovered on a trip to London. The videos were on the tele, the songs were on the radio, and over the speakers of the shops I would pop in. They just swept the Brit awards in early 2000 and it was everywhere throughout the U.K. but NO WHERE in the USA. When I returned I looked for it and no store carried it until about a month later. Its an album that just slipped under my skin and was very important to me.

Listening to it was so fresh, like this sigh of relief and excitement coming over me. This was the album I wish I made, these were songs like ones I was writing (or trying to write) in my solitary room. It gave me hope that 'wow what I am doing and writing other people might like, and if music like what they are writing could be big... then perhaps I could do this too.'

With such great tunes like Driftwood, Why does it always Rain on me, and Writing to reach You, they encapsilated this melancholy life that I live and feel. These songs have a happy tone and mood, but darker and sad lyrics lurk undernieth.

Brilliant I say!


Two
INXS - Elegantly Wasted
yes, Kick is their most popular, and they have such a catelog, how could I choose this? Well this is what has had residency in my cd player most often for the last 3 months. This was their last album with Michael before he tragically died. I recently found this and purchased it this last Sept. and found a album overlooked and forgotten about. The music isn't completely undated, but there is just so many songs that show off this band in top form. A personal hero, Hutchence, was in top vocal, performance, and lyrical form.

INXS - Kick was the first non cheesey 80's pop album I had when I was a kid and man it was so great to me. There was this cool guy dancing around with this great voice in the videos and all I could think was... "wow I want his job! I wanna be him!". He is such a great singer and it comes through on this Album. His sexuality and soul while singing, and his lyrical prowness are greatly displayed here. Lyrics that have the Jim Morrison Dark edge to them but have this silver lining of belief that love could save anyone or anything... A thing I believe in too.


One
U2 - Achtung Baby
No Album has had more impact on me personally, emotionally, in my philosophy, faith or awareness then When I first heard the opening Chords to Zoo Station after I got this album for xmas 1991. Here I was in 7th grade expecting a "Joshua Tree" and instead i got the sound of "Four men chopping down 'The Joshua Tree'".
Its definately my all time favortie album, my desert island album for sure.
From such brilliant soaring and emotional songs as "One" and "Whose Gonna Ride...", rocking and dancable songs as "Even Better Than the Real Thing" and "Mysterious Ways", and deep, dark and philisophical as the conversation between Judas and Jesus after the fact in "Until the End of the World".

of course my theme song too, "Trying to throw your arms around the world".

This album has it all, excess, heart, sexuality, sadness, doubt of love and religion, drunkeness, trash, vaneer, hope, dispair, tenderness and loss... it to me is the perfect album.
Cheers to U2 for reinventing themselves and while writing a deeply personal and dark album was able to write their best and most wide toughing peices of music.

Don't forget the brilliant zoo tv tour that followed it!
I love this album, truely U2 at its best.
---------
Now as I said this could change in an instant, so dont judge me too harsh :-)

If you disagree highly or want to tell me what you think .. drop a line.
Email Bill


________________
(January 2nd, 2003)

Pelicans float over water and there you are next to me.
Your eye-lids heavy
your mouth slips into a smile as you sleep here.

what I would do to invade your dreams and make you love me.

Sand clings to my cheek
eyes squint from the bright sun
sea salt fills my nose and lungs
sun lays soft on the small of my back
and
slowly
I invade your world of dreams

the world you live in




________________
(December 9th, 2002)

White noise fills my room,
My head, My hope...
hangs low
Listless, restless,
faithless I lay.

Surprise falls from the phone
lands in my heart,
My hands, My desire...
Dissolves, dissappears.
To myself... I lie.

Let's have a dialogue
and if you don't wanna talk,
I'll just sing you this song.

I've been Falling through the clouds
...been falling for your eyes
One day you'll pick me up.

________________
(November 4th, 2002)

I have always found something so comforting and romantic in the city night. I find it tempting, seductive, and embracing.
The empty wet streets reflecting the street lamps as I walk along.
You can hear voices floating around the street, voices of laughter, conversation, and seduction.

I find it romantic the whole notion of the person alone in the city...walking the streets alone. I do this often and find comfort in it, passing couples, drunken stragglers, and others alone out on a promenade. I take the city in as I walk alone, the lights, the people - the stories they play out, the impressive structures, and the quaint cobblestone areas.

Anyways… I was in that mood when I wrote this…enjoy.

“The moon hangs like a Cheshire smile between the towers of the city. The cracked and cold paved streets are a carpet rolled out for us, with headlights and street lamps reflecting in the wet tire tracks. The moon hangs low, like an ornament hung on the lower stars of the night’s sky.”

The artist alone in the city, living alone, sleeping alone… yet comforted and surrounded by such a populated city. This truly is a great time…




________________
(October 14th, 2002)
When did the night go to the dogs?

When did the night turn to this?

When did this veil of moonlight begin to hang so heavy?

Silence-
coming down on me
Silence-
filling me.


________________
(October 7th, 2002)
A natural high, so many talk about it, define it, say they know it, and own it.

Well as you may know, I am a lead singer-guitarist in a band that is starting to perform regularly and I have been able to really experience this extraordinary feeling. It is such a profound experience, and so hard to describe to others unless they too can relate and understand personally.

So when performing, you become an instrument and an embodiment of the music, lyrics, and emotion of the songs which you perform. The energy you give is reflected back to you from the audience and so that helps you give more and then the audience gives you more, and this keeps going on and on. Its lovely, and it makes you feel full, and simply high off of this feeling.

Performing helps fill this hole, this void in me. For this brief moment, this hour or two, it almost completes me. After the performance, the chemicals- the energy is still there, in my head, heart and veins. This is the high, you’re top of the world, the strongest man in the universe, ready to conquer the world.

The dangerous part is the coming down though.

When this feeling starts to wear off that hole starts to appear again. You have to be able to handle it, or you might try to fill it with other, let’s say unhealthy things.

During this time you are still “naturally high” from performing, but yet you’re coming down and then you’re let alone…you feel alone.

All alone.

No wonder tours will last months, even yearlong, cause you don’t want this to end. You never want to come down, or let that hole get empty again.

So come to me, fill me up.


________________
(October 4th, 2002)
(breakfast at tiffany's)

Oh Holly,
How long can you go on like this?
Your reflection in the store-front window
its cracking... cracking...
It's not all its cracked up to be.

Oh Holly,
With your cigarettes
and your dinner parties
You always find yourself hiding on the fire escape
Your escaping... escaping...
trying to escape yourself.

No Im not Fred Baby, or even Paul
I'm the one that holds you
with open arms.
You can run to me anytime
cause im running after you...
I want you.


________________
(September 4th, 2002)

I was recently reading the track-by-track notes made by Anthony Wilson from the soundtrack to the movie “24 Hour Party People.

(Which by the way is very educational and entertaining, in a sense you learn about the "Madchester" scene in Manchester England from the punk/post punk era of 76-80 to 1997 at the end of the Hacienda club’s dominance and Factory Records’ run. They were instrumental in developing and being the catalyst and well from which this scene sprang from; also you learn a bit about Joy Division who was influential on U2, The Smiths, etc, etc. Okay...)

Now there is a quote from the liner script of the soundtrack that really stuck me as being such a truth.

"Post punk died with Ian (Ian Curtis singer of Joy Division who killed himself) and was reborn with Bono as the new rock n roll."

I believe this is a truism!

U2 really made the first post punk rock n roll and I know for me my biggest influences are really post punk rock n roll. I think Rock n Roll was this atavism, a big dinosaur until punk came along and reinvented and reinvigorated it. The Clash, U2, The Smiths, put the punk ethic in rock n roll form. U2 were the ones to really make it mainstream and made punk’s effect far reaching. And I can totally relate when Bono says you know “we come from punk, knew 2 chords and some poetry…” and that’s exactly where I come from, of course my bands' stuff sounds nothing like punk but it definitely post punk... I taught myself to play; when I knew 2 chords I wrote a two-chord song. You don’t have to be a Berklee graduate to have soul, to have something to say, to let the song in your heart out.

So welcome to a post punk rock n roll world... all you need is three chords and the truth…

Thanks Bono.

________________
(June 21st, 2002)
Growing up, so many changes, so much heart-ache, confusion, and anger. Its sucks when your not old enough for somethings, and too old for others. Its often tough to find comfort then, and so often we forget about how hard it can be trying to figure where you stand in the world, hell I'm still trying to firgure out where I stand in life.
This song is a B-side to a Travis single, its one of my favorites. It perfectly captures the journey though the teenage years. Enjoy it.

_______________
(June 11th, 2002)
When I first Heard the Gorillaz album, I was liek "Holy crap what is this??" I think its such a brilliant meshing of differnt kinds of Musical influence in a form that is refreshing at the same time. One would think it should sound completely derivative and it doesn't I think through the production skills and vision of Dan the Automater they were able to create such a great culmination of musical tastes and influences.
Read all about the production here...

_______________
(June 7th, zero two)
WORLD CUP FEVER!
Me, Im routing for Germany, and the USA.
O-lay, O-lay O-lay Olay! OHHHH lay!... OHHHHlay!
My Germany Jersey should arrive next week, hope they dont loose by then! sorry about being lax on posting.... will do more soon.

_______________
(May 2nd, in the year of our lord 2002)
Saw last night in concert Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds. My first impressions were of the crowd there. The crowd was full with a few goths, definately the art-student crowd, not the frat boy types at all. The opening act was some band that really impressed me, its often that the opening acts for groups are always easily ignorable, but not this group. I have no idea who they were. The lead singer was this girl with a beautiful, plantiff, mournful, and ghostly voice. The instumentation was cool, stand up bass, banjo, slide lap guitar and chimey acoustic. It was fresh yet still sounded like modern decendents of folk- dark country- poetic verse. Teh themes and songs were in a nick-cave-y tone. Very enjoyable.
Nick Cave, now the mood of his music is like... a smokey german bar in Berlin before the wall came down. If that makes sense. probably not. The music and the lyrics at times compliment each other well and at times contrast each other dramatically. In both cases it is effective and emotive. He is a great front man interacting with the crowd, completely into the music and letting himself be and instument not only as the voice but also the embodiment of the songs. They played a few well known songs like "red right hand", "into my arms", and a few others that really got the crowd going. Soem of the best moments were the tender songs. One called "love letter" had me on the verge of tears, it is an absolutely beautiful song that has lyrics (read them) that currently ring too true for me. "Love Letter" is off of their newest release, which I recomend if you enjoy this music.
So... long and short of it good show, great performance and great music.

_______________
(April 19th, 2002)
"Was I drepessed because I listened to pop music, or did I listen to pop music because I was depressed." -High Fidelity by Nick Hornsby
That quote was sitting on my head lately. In a book(high fidelity) full of truisms, that is definately one that rings true right now to me. I was thinking about that line, and trying to figure it out. Do I seek out pop music because I am depressed, or does it depress me? I think the answer is we seek out something to reflect our emotions and all that is going on inside. So when Im bummed, I seek out The Smiths, Achtung Baby-u2, Old 97's. I think in their songs and albums, I find that I am not alone in my emotional state. The music has the power to comfort and reflect the turmoil we deal with all at once. I believe that is why music is very important to me. I write songs, they reflect and help me dig through the issues and problems I am facing. To emote in a song what is going on inside is a powerful device for myself. Pop music is that device for so many.
So should he have asked; am I happy, am I sad, am I angry because I listen to pop music? The answer; No. I listen to Pop music because I feel angry, in love, sad, happy, joyful. That is why.

_______________
(April 10th, 2002)
So I went last night to see Rusted Root in concert.
"What?" you say
Well, I wanted to go because about 8 years ago they were the hottest thing in the local music scene in Pittsburgh. (Well I was stuck there and thats where I grew up.) My friends and I would frequently go and see them play in the city, and it was great fun with an impassioned performance. It used to be like 20 of us and the band in a little club.
So anywho in a nostalgic rush of emotions I bought a ticket for myself. So I went. It was good, and for a brief moment, a couple of times, I was definately transported back to a time when my hair was below my ears. But yet lurked in the crowd was danger(duhh duhh duuuuuuhhh)...
The Danger I speak of is not too much alcohol, violent punks(wrong show for that), or stage diving. The real danger is for the unexpecting individual to be blindsided by the "spinny hippie dance". I was hit a few times during a fantastic drum jam by a guy that was doing a dance where he spun and shook like a windmill in a storm. :-)
No I had good fun and I thought in the middle of the show, hey its good to see these folks again. After they got "big" my friends and I all took the snobby,"wahhh, I dont like them now that other people like them". But this was a great reminder of what a fantastic live show and what great musicians they are. Good fun all around! just mind the hippie dance! ;-)

_______________
Rediscovering 1987's the joshua tree by u2
(April 4th, 2002)
The Joshua Tree
wow
So last night, I was heading to bed, and thinking Hmm what should I listen to while I nod off into dream land. So I was like, hmm the J-tree I haven't listened to that in quite a while.
I found my self not nodding off, but listening in marvel at an absolutly brilliant album. Bono's vocals are so fantastic! His range, passion, and control was great. On such tracks like Red Hill Mining Town, I didnt even recognise the bono of the elevation tour's voice. His voice so young and passionate with lyrics with such brilliant imagery and form. The guitar work was soaring, ringing and shimmering, but not overpowering the rest of any song.
The album sounded so fresh and timeless. Thats one of the things I love about the band, rediscovering their albums from time to time.
What album have you not listened to in a while? give it a listen. its so refreshing sometimes. just some ramblings from boston.
-bv
p.s. I didnt get a wink of sleep until after the closing notes of mothers of the disappeared, the last song.

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